Remember when Fruit Roll-Ups were a popular snack?
Every morning of elementary school the class was given fifteen minutes to eat a snack. You could bring any snack you wanted. In the beginning I was given snacks like apples or carrots or apricots. The apricots were okay. But I noticed that some of the other kids were eating a gelatinous substance that they peeled from a plastic sheet. I asked these kids what was the name of their strange and exciting snack.
“It’s a Fruit Roll-Up. Would you like some?”
I replied that I would..
“Well you can’t have any.”
That night I lobbied my parents for Fruit Roll-Ups. At first they were skeptical, but when you are a kid you can afford to be persistent because you have nothing else to do.
Fruit Roll-Ups came in a variety of flavors. The first one I got was strawberry. The first morning I brought a Fruit Roll-Up to class was the proudest of my life. I will never forget the moment that snack time was called and I was at long last able to congregate with the other Fruit Roll-Up eaters.
“Hey there, Kaplowitz. I see you’ve got a Fruit Roll-Up.”
I replied that I had.
“What happened to the apple?”
I replied that I did not know what he was talking about.
“Well do you want to trade with me? I’ve never had a strawberry one before.”
I told him to go to hell.
Some people would peel off their Fruit Roll-Ups all at once and twist them up and eat them. I never did that. I liked to peel off a piece at time and savor the gelatinous treasure.
I don’t know if they still sell Fruit Roll-Ups. I have heard that some teachers require kids to bring “healthy” snacks. Liberty loses another battle in its war with Health.