Remember when Fruit Roll-Ups were a popular snack?

I do.

Every morning of elementary school the class was given fifteen minutes to eat a snack.  You could bring any snack you wanted.  In the beginning I was given snacks like apples or carrots or apricots.  The apricots were okay.  But I noticed that some of the other kids were eating a gelatinous substance that they peeled from a plastic sheet.  I asked these kids what was the name of their strange and exciting snack.

“It’s a Fruit Roll-Up.  Would you like some?”

I replied that I would..

“Well you can’t have any.”

That night I lobbied my parents for Fruit Roll-Ups.  At first they were skeptical, but when you are a kid you can afford to be persistent because you have nothing else to do.

Fruit Roll-Ups came in a variety of flavors.  The first one I got was strawberry.  The first morning I brought a Fruit Roll-Up to class was the proudest of my life.  I will never forget the moment that snack time was called and I was at long last able to congregate with the other Fruit Roll-Up eaters.

“Hey there, Kaplowitz.  I see you’ve got a Fruit Roll-Up.”

I replied that I had.

“What happened to the apple?”

I replied that I did not know what he was talking about.

“Well do you want to trade with me?  I’ve never had a strawberry one before.”

I told him to go to hell.

Some people would peel off their Fruit Roll-Ups all at once and twist them up and eat them.  I never did that.  I liked to peel off a piece at time and savor the gelatinous treasure.

I don’t know if they still sell Fruit Roll-Ups.  I have heard that some teachers require kids to bring “healthy” snacks.  Liberty loses another battle in its war with Health.