Remember when there was only one flavor of cream cheese?

I do.

When I was growing up we got bagels every Sunday morning.  My favorite bagel was cinnamon raisin.  For spreads our choices were butter and cream cheese.  Cream cheese came in only one flavor—plain.  The plain cream cheese came in two types of consistency: the smooth “Philadelphia” kind and the whipped “TempTee” kind.  I preferred the whipped kind, but would take the smooth kind if that’s all there was.  Beggars cannot be choosers.

Then one day I heard that there was a “vegetable” cream cheese.  I almost retched at the news.  Why would someone want to eat cream cheese that tasted like broccoli and carrots?

And they did not stop there.  Now they have salmon cream cheese, hummus cream cheese, strawberry cream cheese, and chocolate cream cheese.  They have every flavor under the rainbow.  I’m waiting for them to come out with a cream cheese that tastes like butter. 

This variety sounded so weird to me.  But it turned I was the one who was weird.  Because no one can believe that I choose plain cream cheese when so many flavors are available.  My friends are embarrassed to eat with me.  They let me sit at the table with my plain cream cheese but I’m not allowed to talk.

I wouldn’t have anything to say, anyway.  I would be too busy eating my bagel and plain cream cheese.  And enjoying it.